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Mass Amount of Love

by Douglas Shepherd

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1.
brussels, belgium, conde nast no one here is looking past basking in a shallow light underwater jesus christ the mountain milk is dripping down the breast of the roman daughter now bled at the tender age of twelve gave her life for a living hell i know it's hard to survive in this life pure of heart no look backs, no broken pacts no wished i'd dones, no wished i'd hads the busy bees of swirling leaves flying in october’s trees everyone a single kite a stringless ghost of summer's final fight i know it's hard to survive in this life pure of heart no look backs, no broken pacts no wished i'd dones, no wished i'd hads if you think that you've gone too far alone you're not alone
2.
seventeen, think it was a dream, twenty-two, i'm sure of it, lunar landings and a fire spit slowly, slowly, slowly turn spent those years locked up in my room, building mental blocks and deficits, sometimes i'd stand, sometimes i'd sit and sometimes, sometimes, sometimes i'd burn alcoholic misadventures, system errors, interventions mellow-dramas that never mellow, tightrope walks require tension alcoholic misadventures, system errors, interventions, mellow-dramas that never mellow, something’s are better left unmentioned seventeen nightmares and dreams tell me exactly how it is, some people stone you, others might slip and others, still others, some others might care
3.
walking on my own, it's nothing new to me standing on my own, waiting for a street light to change but nothing ever really changes all this anger, all these strangers i'm a danger to myself sometimes i know i just wish i could let it go, when i feel so low and i just don't know i wish i could let it all go right on by it's not enough sometimes to cry, i want to run and hide i want to say good-bye, slip off into the night and go, go, go cry all night 'cause i love you so woke up yesterday, holding on your hand feeling so afraid, i chased you far away from where i am sometimes i just don't understand boy turns to man, then turned and ran i lost my head in the sand that ran through my hands i wish i was better than i am i'm doing what i can, i swear i am but still i see how stupid i can be how i'm killing you and me you and me just you and me
4.
everyday i wake up, who am i trying to impress getting dressed only masquerades the fact, the fact that i'm a mess i used to dream in black and white, ideals pushed out to the front chest out like a tug boat, pulling ego cargo weighs me down teeth breaking dreams, wake up sweating stream i think i'm growing up television glows, empty feeling grows i think i'm giving up sunken u-boats colorized, indemnified, i don't ask why just nod my head and wonder how i slipped so side-stream to the side panic attacks, i can't relax i want to bleed they tell me that i breathe too much, they tell me that i breathe it's never too late to stop if heaven is so close, why do i feel so alone if heaven is so close, why do i feel so alone if heaven is so close, why do i feel so alone
5.
the ones that wear the worst are the ones that we work and you know this but you still insist on wearing yourself so thin, so sad that all you ever had wore you down so bad so bad you couldn't even enjoy what you had and it wasn't easy to watch you waste away but what more could i do? you wouldn't let me help you you'd just sit up in your room and cover up your head and pray to god you were dead the ones that slip away are the ones that we let go and it seems so simple but still we insist on letting go of everything we have or think we have and all we thought we had wore us down so bad so bad we couldn't even hold onto what we had
6.
do you think he's coming back? maybe when he gets hungry and will you take him back? will you let him fall asleep on top of you? it's always the same, you're always to blame and he's so full of himself when he comes home it's keeping you afloat the majesty and bloat if he didn't do it to you, then somebody else would have to lizard skin and the state you're in it's rough but it makes you feel weightless when you're numb such and angry man always telling you that you wouldn't understand all the reasons he's got to be mad all those years he spent in suburbia it's never been the same since he started calling you his baby doll you're just a little toy for him to play with it's keeping you afloat the majesty and bloat he blows you off, it blows you away and it all blows up his ego lighting storms and flashing light warn here it comes but it makes you feel weightless when he comes
7.
sitting in this room while you're so far away the light is bad in here so i don't want to write today i'll lean back on my bed and dream about when we were young before you got in trouble, before you had your son sometimes i see stars in the lines between the bars imaginary lines drawing pictures in my mind i see you from behind with your hands upon your hips your clothes are everywhere and there's a song upon you lips if i stare long enough i can see a lot of things the tiny room we share before you showed me everything so naive, i used to want to see you every day and now your ghost just haunts me and i wish you'd go away i'm wanting out of here, i'm wanting out of here i'm wanting out of here, i'm wanting out of here i'm wanting out of here
8.
dry as a bone you sit and stare breaths grow heavy and smiles grow rare how many times have you said to me while staring into infinity? whistles blow, whistles blow back trains don't talk they just make tracks the sound of the summer as it goes by sounds like crickets in the night your mother had twins but one of them died you try to catch you're breath but it sounds like a sigh your ears pop as we gain altitude and your heart sinks at the breath-taking view whistles blow, whistles blow back lovers never leave they just talk back the sound of the summer as it goes by sounds like lovers in a fight all you want from the big city is a touch of anonymity disappear completely from the scene but it's not easy to escape reality you haven't said a word for the last thousand miles you've got your frowning face in magazines filled with smiles a sudden darkness overtakes you you try to hold your breath, but you just turn blue whistles blow, whistles blow back trains don't talk they just make tracks the sound of the summer as it goes by sounds like crickets in the night whistles blow, whistles blow back lovers never leave they just talk back the sound of the summer as it goes by sounds like lovers in a fight whistles blow, whistles blow back whistles blow, whistles blow back whistles blow, whistles blow back whistles blow, whistles blow back
9.
you lay across your chair ,eyes looking through your hair so peaceful you make me envious you stir from your sleep, no words you just blink and i can't help but wonder what you're thinking i had nights that i couldn't sleep and i'd just sit up and listen to you breathe and i've had days that i walk the streets fire breathing in between my teeth i've seen lesser men trying to fence you in burning your skin with their meaningless words you just recede away from your shirtsleeves and at night i listen to you grinding your teeth as i surrender myself to sleep arms in the air, reaching for your feet avocado trees and japanese leaves blow in the breeze, urging me to sleep
10.
Falling Star 02:45
As "Opal", Kendra Smith and David Roback wrote the lyrics.
11.
you and i on a trip could never get very far we'd always end up outside but never get neat a car every time i think or write or hear your name i think about churches and all the games we played and every time i think i'm going to stop looking backwards i find i'm just craning my neck and every time i think i'm going to stop living backwards i find i'm just breaking my neck once upon a broken lip a kiss so hip to all my tricks and once you thought me so shy but now you just see an old disguise and every now and then when you hear my name do you think about the holes we dug and all the games we played? and every time i think i'm going to stop looking backwards i find i'm just craning my neck and every time i think i'm going to stop living backwards i find i'm just breaking my neck my neck, my neck, my neck, my neck looking back will only hurt you, looking back will only hurt you in the end oh, the games we played

about

"Although rooted in the San Francisco indie pop scene -- members of the Aislers Set, Track Star, and Imperial Teen all lend a hand -- Doug Shepherd favors a more gentle, wistful approach to the sly ebullience of his compatriots. Mass Amount of Love is a singer/songwriter record in the classic sense, a literate, heartfelt collection of acoustic melodies and intimate lyrics, albeit topped off baritone vocals suggesting a slightly more tuneful Calvin Johnson. What sets Shepherd apart is the ambitiousness of his songcraft -- the opening "Postcard From Everett Ruess" imagines the modern world through the eyes of the famed lost adventurer, while "Anorexic Complex (Sasha's Theme)" imagines the horrors facing Russian anarchist Alexander Berkman during his sentence on Riker's Island. Hardly your standard pop music fare, and all the more alluring for it."
By Jason Ankeny, via allmusic.com

credits

released January 1, 2001

Douglas Shepherd
Wyatt Cusick
Alicia Vanden Heuvel
Roddy Bottum
Yoshi Nakamoto
Michael Ismerio
Ed Ivey
Nicole Welch
Garth Klippert

license

Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

tags

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